i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
