I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
