YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
