His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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