ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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