you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
