i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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