You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
