Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
