You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
