people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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