Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
