sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
