If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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