So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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