so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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