Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
