i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
