so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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