You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
