what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
