I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
