Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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