I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize