Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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