Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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