Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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