quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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