just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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