alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
