that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
