I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
