do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
