I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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