Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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