I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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