my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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