I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My ass is underappreciated
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
