Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
