is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
