I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
