So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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