So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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