I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
