just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
