He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
