I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
