i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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