i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
