i was born a porn star she said
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
