Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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