i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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