any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
