he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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