I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
