The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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