I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
