his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
