Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
