Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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