yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So much rum. So many feels.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
