Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
