So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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