just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
