I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
