I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
