i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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