I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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