At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
