he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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