the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
