matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize